Unsual but Compelling Request

[xerxez]

Hello. In another gaming community I belong to (on Facebook) I came across an unusual request from a mother whose son chose to end his own life after suffering a traumatic brain injury. He was only seventeen. Games and medieval re-enactment appear to have been very big in their family culture and her request is that her son be memorialized at gaming tables as an NPC in the campaigns of any gamers who may be inclined to do so. I have posted about it at my blog if anyone wishes to know more. At first I found it an odd request, but then I realized it's probably something he would have liked. I will certainly be doing so, at least for a game session. I wish them all the best.

In Memoriam: Wyatt Ferris, 2017

Thanks.

Xerxez

[oakesspalding]

Do you have a link to the mother's post?

[Deleted]

The supposed mother's social media accounts are:

twitter.com/BadDiceBad

www.facebook.com/playballtx


This is the newspaper article reporting on the death of the kid:

www.dentonrc.com/news/news/2017/11/02/man-killed-train-denton-identified



The hashtags went online as soon as November 4th, though: While the story can, in principle, be legit, the timeframe in which the events occured seems rather short, and not completely transparent. Under other circumstances, I try to abstain from "mindreading", but it seems to me that a mother grieving for the loss of her son might have other things in mind than something like this. In Germany, where I live, five days after a suicide, a body has usually not even been cleared for the funeral. Maybe customs in the US are different, but all of this seems somewhat rushed.

So, the real question is, do the social media accounts really represent Ms Waggoner (because there is one, and she has just lost her son), or is this some sort of scam?


As heartwarming as this story seems to be at first glance, looking at the facts that are available so far makes me personally feel somewhat uneasy.

[Deleted]

www.facebook.com/groups/dmscottyscraftsngames

This is the group that featured the original FB post. If any of you are interested in joining #WyattNPC, or want to investigate the matter further, this seems to be the place to talk with people.

[xerxez]

I understand your hesitation. I have exchanged PMs with the mother and my sense is that she is who she says she is and is sincere in her request. People process grief in different ways.

[oakesspalding]

I don't think there's any question that it is real. But, and with respect to the OP, I'm not sure that it's healthy. It seems like a fairly common modern case of a distraught person spinning out their grief on social media. No one can gainsay what that mother is going through. Like many suicides, the person first disappeared, then there was a search, then they were "found." How horrible. Nor do I have any problem with her Go Fund Me effort to raise money for the funeral. If I were broke in such circumstances, I would probably do the same thing. But keeping it going by latching on to the fantasy and gaming communities seems unhealthy to me, for everyone involved. Just my opinion, as always.

[xerxez]

Very good thoughts, oakespaulding, I hope I did not err in posting here without asking. I told her I would put it out there and I felt if it made her happier right now then even if it's not what I would do, so be it. I did have hesitation myself in blogging it but it seemed this is a genuine and heartfelt wish of hers.

[oakesspalding]

Not at all. And I'm sure no one has any problems with the post. I was initially sympathetic until I started thinking about it. And obviously I'm sure everyone participating has the best of intentions.

[Deleted]

As far as I am concerned, you did good in posting this; if nothing else, at least it is a matter of general interest. And, regardless of the specific context, it seems a beautiful idea. - Now, as to whether this is healthy, or, in general terms, recommendable, I wouldn't presume to know. However, I share Oakes' reservations: If this was a member of my family, I would probably not do it.

[xerxez]

I don't know that I would either. I can say that after being alive awhile and giving it much thought, I am not sure I would choose or accept the North American cultural norms surrounding end of life that I have grown up around. Maybe they are normal and I'm not, I don't know. I find things that appeal to me in the Nordic culture. ancient and modern. That saying "Until the Light Takes You", I like that. Valhalla, etc. The idea of celebratory goodbyes instead of strict adherence to mournful patterns, that sort of thing. I never know what to say with people who are bereaved. I'm not untouched by grief personally and I did lose a friend (not a super close one) once to suicide that was because of emotional depression which was made harder to accept because I spoke with him by phone the day it happened and while I thought the conversation odd and out of place, I had not the slightest inkling of what was to come. I have asked my family to play Norman Greenbaum's "Spirit in the Sky" at any gathering that may be held on my late behalf. Some of my family thought that inappropriate

[oakesspalding]

I am sincere to the death about my own religious faith. But I tend to joke about it a lot. At Mass on Sunday there was a coffin in front of the altar rails. Everyone sort of gingerly walked around it (as one would). We are coming off All Saints Day and All Souls Day, and the Mass was said for the repose of two people (but that's fairly common). I asked the usher who was inside the coffin. He replied, "Oh no one. It's just a prop."

Death is so, well, different. I confess to quasi-skepticism about the appropriateness of most ways of commemorating or dealign with it, both inside and outside of standard religious traditions. Nothing seems quite right.