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Post by Deleted on Jun 11, 2009 20:34:33 GMT -6
Alex: My character is a half-dragon demi-god who cannot be harmed by normal weapons! Magical weapons only do half damage, the other half is reflected back into the attacker!
Brent: He sounds like a wimp! My half-elf half-fire elemental combination mage-illusionist-cleric has the innate ability to memorize three times the normal amount of spells! He wears a ring which renders the target of his spells unable to make its saving throw except on a natural 20! He can fly!
Alex: Did I mention MY character has four arms and can wield a two-handed sword with each arm? All four swords are +5 Unholy Avengers!
Brent: Oh yeah? Well MY character possesses an ancient artifact which grants him ...
Johnny: My guy is a fighter.
Alex & Brent: Huh?
Brent: What are his special abilities?
Johnny: He carries a sword.
Alex: That's it? A sword! HA HA HA!
Brent: So, tell me Johnny. Does he have superhuman strength and the ability to regenerate damage and stuff like that?
Johnny: No. He limps because of an old combat wound and so can only move at 75% of normal speed for a mundane human, but he's a little touchy about it.
Alex: So does he bear an ancient weapon which can only be wielded by the descendant of kings? A weapon which cleaves his enemies with a single mighty blow? A helm which grants the ability to look into hearts of all men and know their true intent? Armor which can vaporize the undead with a blast of godly might?
Johnny: His sword is an old blade he found in the village pawnshop. He bought it with the last silver piece he had to his name because he didn't want to spend his life farming like his father did. His helm and armor he has collected piecemeal from his defeated enemies.
Alex nudges Brent and declares in sotto voce: Johnny obviously knows squat about role-playing.
Brent, rolling eyes: You got that right ...
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Post by Deleted on Jun 11, 2009 20:36:41 GMT -6
The armor clad fighter staggered from the mouth of the cave, pulling the badly dented bascinet from his head and dropping it, clattering, onto the rocks. The pauldron protecting his right shoulder was nearly torn free from its fastenings and swung back and forth, and one of the enarmes on his targe was broken, rendering the shield difficult to properly use. It looked as if the town armorer would be getting a fair portion of the loot from this dungeon crawl. The fighter's page ran over and began the process of removing the armor.
"Quickly boy," grunted the armor clad warrior. "I feel an overpowering need to make water."
"Aye, sir" replied the page.
Beneath the now removed plates of armor, the quilted gambeson stunk with the sweat of the battle with the dragon in the depths of the cave. The page's nose wrinkled as he helped the knight free of the thick garment, then offered clean linens and nodded toward the river.
"If I might be so bold, sir ..." offered the page.
The knight nodded and limped off toward the clean, cool water to wash away the stench and blood of the days labors. As he did so, the cave yielded up a second member of the party. Though her black leather boots had very long spiked heels, in essence making her walk on tiptoes, she danced down the rocks with the sure-footedness of a mountain goat. The sun glinted off her perfectly brushed knee length hair and sparkled off the jewels woven into it. Her spotless, shining chainmail bikini strained to hold in her ample bosom as her clean shaven, smooth legs carried her down to the camp. Even her sheathed shortsword was perfectly clean and its polished surfaces glistened in the bright daylight. The scent of her perfume wafted over the page as she swept by him and into her tent. From within came the sound of her voice demanding chilled wine from her serving girl.
"Dude," Johnny said. "Tell me again why you never play male characters?"
"Because," Alex replied. "Girls are, you know, sexy!"
"Yeah!" added Brent.
"I see," replied Johnny. "Don't you two think you're a bit old to be playing dress-up dolls?"
"HEY!" The other two exclaimed at the same time.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 11, 2009 20:37:41 GMT -6
The two posts above are from an old journal of mine. They are meant to be tongue-in-cheek, so please don't take undue offense.
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palmer
Level 3 Conjurer
Foolish Rules Lawyer! Your disingenuous dissembling means nothing to Doom!
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Post by palmer on Jun 11, 2009 20:43:51 GMT -6
You can play in my Greyhawk anytime, Dubeers! Also, Did you ever come up with any spear fighting houserules?
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Post by TheMyth on Jun 11, 2009 21:26:27 GMT -6
You can play in my Greyhawk anytime, Dubeers! Also, Did you ever come up with any spear fighting houserules? Eff the spear rules! I wanna know if he developed special rules for BikiniGirl to fight with her spiked heels! Sort of like THIS! |
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Post by chronoplasm on Jun 11, 2009 21:42:13 GMT -6
Heck, you could play in my 4E edition game if you wanted.
My last group was a lot like the characters you described.
The funny thing though is that 4E has a "Street Fighter II" effect where the most obviously powerful characters (Dragonborn Warlords) aren't nearly as optimal as they look on paper, while the more overlooked characters (Hobbit Paladins?) can actually be much more powerful.
The half-dragon demi-god in my group got eaten alive by "needle-drakes". Those are like... chicken lizards.
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Post by gazeboslayer on Jun 12, 2009 7:51:43 GMT -6
Reminds me of the time I was a 6hp thief alongside a Paladin Gargoyle with 25 strength wielding a two handed +3 mace and accompanied by a brass dragon familiar.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 12, 2009 7:55:58 GMT -6
Eff the spear rules! I wanna know if he developed special rules for BikiniGirl to fight with her spiked heels! Sort of like THIS! The YouTube clip was a scream! Hmm, shoes as a missile weapon ... (grabs pencil and paper and mutters as he scribbles numbers). |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 12, 2009 7:58:09 GMT -6
Heck, you could play in my 4E edition game if you wanted. My last group was a lot like the characters you described. The funny thing though is that 4E has a "Street Fighter II" effect where the most obviously powerful characters (Dragonborn Warlords) aren't nearly as optimal as they look on paper, while the more overlooked characters (Hobbit Paladins?) can actually be much more powerful. The half-dragon demi-god in my group got eaten alive by "needle-drakes". Those are like... chicken lizards. Chicken lizard, eh? (chuckle) Actually, except for the nomenclature, that conversation was loosely based around a 1eAD&D group I tried to join years ago. I quickly came to the conclusion our playing styles were different and moved on. Not saying they were wrong, mind you, but that wasn't the sort of game I was looking for. |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 12, 2009 7:58:37 GMT -6
You can play in my Greyhawk anytime, Dubeers! Also, Did you ever come up with any spear fighting houserules? Still playing around with them. I'll post them if I get anything coherent enough to actually use in a game. ;D |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 12, 2009 8:06:45 GMT -6
Reminds me of the time I was a 6hp thief alongside a Paladin Gargoyle with 25 strength wielding a two handed +3 mace and accompanied by a brass dragon familiar. Yikes!  Yeah, that was kind of what I was angling at with those posts. |
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Post by chronoplasm on Jun 12, 2009 13:55:06 GMT -6
Yeah, chicken lizards. Like the things out of that one Jurrassic Park movie. The little cute dinosaurs that everybody underestimates until they swarm you. The half-dragon demigod's last words were "Move aside guys, I've got this."
Pro Tip: Fire breath isn't so powerful when you are getting dragged under water.
If anybody plays a Gargoyle in one of my campaigns, I'm going to have a flock of pigeons decide to nest in the character's mouth.
They will be dire pigeons... with a Dragon-Guard template and resistance to Radiant damage. ;D
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 12, 2009 14:26:13 GMT -6
Thanks for the laugh, Chronoplasm. That's comedy gold, right there.
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