Colorful Oaths

[captainjapan]

help.

I'm trying to collect some novel oaths and curses and exclamations to have my NPC barbarian blurt out when he gets excited or dumbstruck.

I'm blocked for the most part, but probably something like "Merciful Minerva!" or "Great Caesar's Ghost! or the ever appropriate "By Crom!" would be a good example of an oath he could say.

I really wish I knew some silly ones. I'd make a random table that all npc's could use.

Any ideas? I don't even care if they're not original. Like I said, the inspiration is just not coming to me.

[tkdco2]

Maybe you can find something useful here: forums.giantitp.com/archive/index.php/t-251022.html

There's also the barbarian curse RA Salvatore introduced in his book The Crystal Shard. It translates to "May the fleas of a thousand reindeer nest in your genitals."

[Deleted]

"May your blade chip and shatter," Paul Atriedes

[tkdco2]

Here's another article on the subject.


It's similar to another such article I read years ago. I couldn't find that one, but I remember one part about how people in different environments swear. Perhaps a sailor would exclaim

SPOILER: Click to show

"By Neptune's soggy balls!"

(author's words, not mine)

[jamesmishler]

The most useful oaths for a barbarian would be based on the characteristics, physical and metaphysical, of their gods and heroes. Alliteration is optional but preferred...

Odin's Beard!
Thor's Hammer!
Thor's Thunder!
Sif's Sword!
Daghda's Cudgel!
Jove's Bolt!
Pan's Horns!

And so forth. So it really depends on the pantheon...

[DungeonDevil]

"By the beard of Zeus!" (Anchorman)

Hercle! (By Hercules!) in Latin

[bigjackbrass]

"By [X's] beard!" is certainly a classic. Depending on the setting you can use it for various deities, picking a different one each time and including female ones as you like.

Alliteration gives a nice touch. I also like to make oaths and exclamations slightly scandalous in terms of the local religion, e.g. "By the bulging breech-clout of Baldr!", "In the name of Odin's unspeakable underpants!", or "Aphrodite's armpits!"

And there's always the pun, such as "God's Holy Trousers!" from The Man Who Would Be King.

[waysoftheearth]

A lifetime supply of oaths and curses uttered by Captain Haddock are documented here.

Classics include: Thundering Typhoons! Blistering Barnacles! Murderous Maelstroms! and other random insults such as: bagpipers! politicians! and odd-toed ungulates!

[Parzival]

“Lords of Light!”— Thundarr the Barbarian
“By Grabthar’s Hammer, you shall be avenged!” — Galaxy Quest.

Okay, a little more seriously:

By the Norns!
Upon the Fates be it!
Valhalla falls! (An oath of disbelief or in the face of an unimaginable event/horror.)
Roots of the Mountains!
Ice take thee!
May your path be through the ice of Spring! (A curse wishing a treacherous or dangerous outcome upon the target of the oath)
May your axe be as wood! (A wish for misfortune.)
Axe’s blood!
Fenris’ Bite!
Midgard’s tooth!
Balder’s death!
By Tyr’s hand, I swear… (an oath of justice or an unbreakable promise)
Loki’s truth! (A lie, of course, or a reference to believing the other is lying)
From Loki’s lips! (Same as above)
Ravens take you! (A curse wishing death upon the target, and worse that he be eaten as carrion, his spirit rejected by Valhalla)

Alter to appropriate gods, of course.

[waysoftheearth]

Baal's Filthy Hole!

[yesmar]

I love it when Solomon Kane exclaims, “Name of the Devil!”

[Parzival]

How about some Barbarian insults:

Troll’s spawn!
Loki’s tongue!
Ice licker!
Giant’s thrall!
Turnip eater!

[captainjapan]

From the movie, Anchorman:

Knights of Columbus!
Great Odin's raven!
Son of a bee sting!
Uncle Jonathan's corn-cob pipe!
By the Fishing Skills of Paul Ferguson!
Hot pot of coffee!
Sweet grandmother's spatula!
Saint Damien's beard!
By the beard of Zeus!
By the Hammer of Thor
Sweet Lincoln's mullet!

[dicebro]

“Crom laughs at your four winds”

Daddy always said “no one in this world can you trust”

Let’s “have fun storming the castle!”

“ Certainty of death. Small chance of success. What are we waiting for?"

“ Release the Kraken!"

“ Do you want to live forever?"

“Let the boy try!”

[captainjapan]

Thank you, all, for the excellent examples. I especially liked bigjackbrass ' "In the name of Odin's unspeakable underpants!", "Baal's filthy hole" by waysoftheearth , and tkdco2 's Improved Initiative link. Parzival, my favorite version of Dr. Lazarus' line has to be, "By Grabthar's Hammer, What a savings."

And, then I fell down the rabbit hole. My d20 random table is here. It's great fun to collect these ridiculous oaths and even better using them to full, dramatic, effect, I'm sure.